we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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