he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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