he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
