i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
