my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
