your room smells of hookers.
And success
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
