I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
