how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
