Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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