Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
