dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
