Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
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Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
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I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
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