it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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