I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
