dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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