I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
