I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
