So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
