Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
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You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
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I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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