I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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