I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
