like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
