tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
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If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
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They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
So. Much. Porn.
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