I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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