I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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