you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
