i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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