why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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