I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
