Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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