shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Drunk is not a location!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
