the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
