after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
