I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
