3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
