ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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