He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
