There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
