ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
