I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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