the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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