mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
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