so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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