my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
