Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.