Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(469): View more from Texas

Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them

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(469): Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them http://tfl.nu/zk8b

Replies (7) Good night (2893) Bad night (717)
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(970): View more from Colorado

Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude

(1-970): View more from Colorado

You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?

(970): View more from Colorado

Shut the hell up.

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(970): Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude (1-970): You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ? (970): Shut the hell up. http://tfl.nu/g01x

Replies (38) Good night (841) Bad night (1930)
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(708): View more from Illinois

We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.

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(708): We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something. http://tfl.nu/qsay

Replies (24) Good night (5073) Bad night (710)
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(217): View more from Illinois

My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.

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(217): My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you. http://tfl.nu/w1fj

Replies (26) Good night (4966) Bad night (979)
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(516): View more from New York

He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.

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(516): He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one. http://tfl.nu/wrt6

Replies (34) Good night (9458) Bad night (1010)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.

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(814): please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week. http://tfl.nu/2kmj

Replies (7) Good night (3599) Bad night (1188)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.

(1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

and then ....

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.

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(215): he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas. (1-215): and then .... (215): he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut. http://tfl.nu/qu6h

Replies (24) Good night (6045) Bad night (1598)
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(870): View more from Arkansas

I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."

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(870): I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now." http://tfl.nu/2m30

Replies (4) Good night (1073) Bad night (2483)
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(+31): View more from The Netherlands

bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.

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(+31): bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left. http://tfl.nu/sy8j

Replies (18) Good night (1453) Bad night (6449)
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(309): View more from Illinois

It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.

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(309): It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise. http://tfl.nu/xykk

Replies (5) Good night (2033) Bad night (1146)
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(347): View more from New York

When are you not under some influence?

(917): View more from New York City

Since last Tuesday...yesterday.

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(347): When are you not under some influence? (917): Since last Tuesday...yesterday. http://tfl.nu/zuz3

Replies (3) Good night (1500) Bad night (651)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"

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(860): You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES" http://tfl.nu/55vp

Replies (7) Good night (1745) Bad night (553)
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(404): View more from Georgia

Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.

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(404): Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire. http://tfl.nu/nkea

Replies (3) Good night (979) Bad night (424)
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(917): View more from New York City

This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?

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(917): This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case? http://tfl.nu/t5hu

Replies (4) Good night (744) Bad night (331)
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(719): View more from Colorado

That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie

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(719): That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie http://tfl.nu/8hsx

Replies (1) Good night (392) Bad night (714)

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