I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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