you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.