Texts From Last Night

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  (269): View more from Michigan

  I'm on that like soy sauce on rice

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  (269): I'm on that like soy sauce on rice http://tfl.nu/53vn
  Replies (3) Good night (1479) Bad night (686)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank

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  (602): I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank http://tfl.nu/1dw8
  Replies (8) Good night (6014) Bad night (560)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it

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  (910): after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it http://tfl.nu/b99n
  Replies (48) Good night (2909) Bad night (6204)
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  (607): View more from New York

  I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.

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  (607): I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better. http://tfl.nu/5tpe
  Replies (18) Good night (4511) Bad night (788)
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  (518): View more from New York

  We left an ass print on the piano.

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  (518): We left an ass print on the piano. http://tfl.nu/qaoo
  Replies (23) Good night (4059) Bad night (1023)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!

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  (928): I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas! http://tfl.nu/f207
  Replies (9) Good night (3548) Bad night (1000)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable

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  (248): Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable http://tfl.nu/6hsi
  Replies (3) Good night (1603) Bad night (971)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years

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  (717): Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years http://tfl.nu/kz81
  Replies (24) Good night (1190) Bad night (1076)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.

  (1-425): View more from Washington

  I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.

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  (425): I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help. (1-425): I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity. http://tfl.nu/3ise
  Replies (4) Good night (1664) Bad night (781)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?

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  (914): He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message? http://tfl.nu/czyz
  Replies (7) Good night (2082) Bad night (582)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer

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  (615): The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer http://tfl.nu/n78o
  Replies (2) Good night (947) Bad night (448)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control

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  (216): i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control http://tfl.nu/rhtt
  Replies (3) Good night (540) Bad night (774)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.

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  (+44): When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god. http://tfl.nu/0ncl
  Replies (0) Good night (582) Bad night (939)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.

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  (443): So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room. http://tfl.nu/u3av
  Replies (4) Good night (750) Bad night (261)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"

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  (914): it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?" http://tfl.nu/v4gz
  Replies (2) Good night (699) Bad night (390)

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