Texts From Last Night

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  (940): View more from Texas

  That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone

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  (940): That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone http://tfl.nu/w4ug
  Replies (3) Good night (711) Bad night (1742)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.

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  (269): I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient. http://tfl.nu/pars
  Replies (10) Good night (599) Bad night (2218)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab

  (253): View more from Washington

  I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.

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  (253): Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab (253): I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea. http://tfl.nu/y0mn
  Replies (3) Good night (2359) Bad night (595)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!

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  (480): I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE! http://tfl.nu/0hwt
  Replies (30) Good night (9261) Bad night (671)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?

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  (630): which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november? http://tfl.nu/f9dy
  Replies (52) Good night (1059) Bad night (5650)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.

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  (248): Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox (1-248): You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities. http://tfl.nu/l19y
  Replies (85) Good night (2864) Bad night (9146)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays

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  (908): It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays http://tfl.nu/4h3r
  Replies (8) Good night (876) Bad night (3011)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal

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  (215): he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal http://tfl.nu/oaxp
  Replies (35) Good night (1706) Bad night (4093)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.

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  (540): For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners. http://tfl.nu/0hks
  Replies (4) Good night (1661) Bad night (589)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.

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  (417): I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer. http://tfl.nu/udvx
  Replies (3) Good night (1058) Bad night (393)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.

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  (443): I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done. http://tfl.nu/8szd
  Replies (10) Good night (1332) Bad night (400)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!

  (1-803): View more from South Carolina

  Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.

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  (803): I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids! (1-803): Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew. http://tfl.nu/h7pj
  Replies (6) Good night (1841) Bad night (535)
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  (289): View more from Ontario

  I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.

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  (289): I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me. http://tfl.nu/j2zo
  Replies (7) Good night (854) Bad night (291)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.

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  (305): I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night. http://tfl.nu/aqrx
  Replies (3) Good night (219) Bad night (521)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts

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  (205): I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts http://tfl.nu/716i
  Replies (0) Good night (408) Bad night (251)

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