I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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