This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
