I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Randomize
