Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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