Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
