i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
