your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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