1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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