I think I won the penis lottery.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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