I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
