remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
