i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
