he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
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WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
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I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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