this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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