You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
