He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
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Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
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Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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