So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
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