you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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