Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
