I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
